The Illusion of Self Protection

Posted by Jacinta Hin on September 24, 2010

Some years ago I hit a low point in my life and all I wanted was to run away from everything. I was lost, unable to face the demands of my job and unable to face the truth about myself. I remember feeling exposed and vulnerable. I eventually resigned from work and retreated into the safety of my house.

For months, solitude became my companion; I avoided meeting people and just went through the motions of the day.

I was calm and at peace. Somehow my days contained enough activities to not get bored. And I slept a lot, no longer haunted by images of an angry boss or of other stressful scenes. For a time life felt manageable and balanced.

Then I began to notice emptiness to my life. I had created a cozy cocoon in which I could work on myself, protected against the madness of the outside world. But inside, nothing was happening. I hadn’t gained an ounce of self-knowledge and wasn’t any closer to creating something new for myself.

I realized that in cutting myself off from the outside world I had also cut myself off from the inside one. I had created a false sense of safety. I might be sleeping better but ultimately that could not be the only point of my withdrawal.

Slowly I opened up to both inner and outer worlds. I reached out to people and asked them to help me. I joined self-development workshops and began to read spiritual and other inspirational works. These external connections brought me to new resources for self-inquiry and discovery. I became hungry for self-knowledge, fearless in my pursuit of the truth, and determined to go in a new direction in alignment with who I really was.

By relaxing my guard I finally got on my soul path. And I am still on it, happily walking along. Plenty of turmoil, but I no longer fear it.

I do look for shelter, now and then. But I always return to the open road, feeling safe in the good company of soul and heart.

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  1. Anne Egros September 24, 2010 10:12 am

    Hi Jacinta,
    Thanks for sharing your story.
    Very touching.
    I think it is important at some point of our life to stop and think about our purpose in this world. Change is life, so what was important 2 years ago may becone a distraction today to prevent us from reaching our true goals and satisfying our needs.
    Take care
    Anne

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