Confidence Regained

Posted by Jacinta Hin on December 10, 2006

Yesterday I got my confidence back. I lost it slowly and got it back instantly.

This summer, after a 20+ years break, I got back into windsurfing together with some friends. After a couple of months of renting a beginner board, I recently bought my own. A very cool latest model Starboard with a classic Gaastra sail. A new class of gear, a new level of surfing. The real thing. Or so it seemed.

The actual real thing failed to happen.

I was pretty good on the beginner board, but could hardly get my sail out of the water on my new board. To the outside I maintained my excitement about my new pastime, on the inside self-doubt ruled.

While my surf buddy Pieter spent hours the past weeks successfully battling the waves and the wind with his new gear, getting better and better, I barely lasted ten minutes on the water. Last week I did not even bother getting in. All dressed up in my tailor-made designer winter wetsuit, my presence on the beach felt like a mere fashion statement.

Yesterday, on the way to the beach, I realized I was giving in to fear and feeling small and powerless. I realized I needed somehow to turn it around. Not only for the sake of enjoying my surfing, but more importantly, for my sense of self-worth, ability and independence.

There was not much wind yesterday and I knew my day had come. It was a beautiful day that reminded me of one particular memorable summer day on which I surfed towards the sunset. With this image in mind I got on my board……and just sailed away. I found my center and balance and could feel everything in agreement. My board, my sail, the water, the wind and even the small waves all were in perfect harmony and I was the captain, the master of it all.

I see the same thing with my coaching clients. They get close to their real goals and purpose, their passion and understanding about what they want and how they are at their best. Than they set out to make changes to align with their new-found insights and encounter setbacks.

External realities disagree, habits get in the way, old beliefs take control. And slowly doubts and fears creep in. They find themselves just staring at what is possible for them like I stared at the sea the past few weeks. And the more they stare, the further away it all seems.

I am no different from my clients. I help my clients break through their doubts, fears and insecurities and find their way into their sea of possibilities. Yesterday, with a little help from my buddy Pieter who never doubted I could do it and every week gets me back on that beach, I helped myself find my way.

Now I just need to keep on track. The path to self-mastery is not all sunshine and roses. Setbacks, disappointments and distractions are bound to be part of it. In fact this is where our true learning happens. When doubts and fears pop up this just means we are growing and becoming, not that we are incapable. All we need to do is shift and keep on going.

What an amazing day it was. And since today I am still in a very confident mood, I just made a couple of other shifts (with a little help of my coach). As for windsurfing, next week I am back on that board for sure.

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